Cheyenne Earlywine- Grade 10 Mrs.Amberg lesson #7
Ela- “Doors to Stories” Domiciles project Door # 10
Gouverneur High School
The Cost of Perfection
I felt so alone. I felt like no one loved me. I always wondered why I was still here. Well, I have had a hard life and I always had to provide for myself. I didn’t think that I could handle it so I relied on my boyfriend, Jake. Now that I have relied on him, he got me pregnant and then he left me because he didn’t want to be responsible for me and my baby. I was only twenty years old when I found out that I had a baby on the way. This may not turn out well because I didn’t know how to take care of a baby, especially on my own. In school, I would always try to fit in by being skinny or pretty enough for everybody else. I never lived my life the way that I wanted to and I especially couldn’t now because I had a baby on the way. I was not fit to be a mom because I didn’t have a place to live and I smoked, which could lead to my baby having lung problems or something. I wish my life could be happy and normal like everyone else’s. I always tried to make a better life for myself, but I always messed up in some way.
A couple months went by and I kept on getting bigger and bigger, and I realized that soon I would become a mother to a baby whose life would depend on me. So, I decided to at least save up all my money from my job and try to get her some clothing and a few baby things to get her by.
May came sooner than I expected and her due date was July 11th. She would be here before I knew it. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to handle being a mother.
As the last months went by, I began smoking a lot more and I didn’t really know why. But it was July 15th and it was past her due date, but I knew that she would be here very soon. It was the next day and surely enough, the baby had finally came. Her name was Arianna Grace and she was so precious, but I didn’t think that I could take care of her. There was actually something wrong with her. She had lung problems because of my smoking. I knew something would go wrong because I was a failure when it comes to life and trying to do something right.
A couple days went by and Arianna had to stay at the hospital until her lungs fully developed. The doctors didn’t know how long that would take or if they would even fully develop. So while Arianna was in the hospital, I went home and would come and see her throughout the days. I blamed this all on myself and I didn’t know what to do. So, I would drink every night hoping that it would wash away the pain, but it never did. Every night I would find myself puking from all the drinking I did. It was awful, but I realized that I was in no shape to be Arianna’s mother.
So, the next day I went and put my child up for adoption. I found a couple that couldn’t have children and they always wanted a baby girl. So, now my baby girl became theirs. She would now be able to live a happy life without worrying if she would have food to eat or a bed to sleep in. But, I wanted her to know who I was. So I went to the store and got her some Barbie dolls that looked like me that she could play with. Then, I went to the hospital and got a picture with her and printed that off so that they could have one and I could have one.
I now knew that she would have a good life. I was glad I did this so that I wouldn’t be holding her back from living a normal little girl life. Also, the adoptive parents said that I could come visit her whenever I wanted to, and they would keep in contact with me. I hope that Arianna will grow up and make good choices and be strong, like me.