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Title: Wanting To Be Barbie
Date: November 8, 2013
By: Carinda Sawyer
City: Gouverneur
State: NY
Age: 15
Grade: 10
Carinda Sawyer-Grade 10 Mrs. Amberg: Lesson #7
ELA- “Doors to Stories” Domiciles Project: Door #10
Gouverneur High School
Wanting to Be Barbie
Kassandra wiped the puke off of her mouth. She had just eaten enough for six others, but of course she didn’t keep it down. Kassandra was bulimic, and she had been for two years. She wanted to be beautiful like the girls in magazines, or like a Barbie.
Kassandra was 17 years old. She was from Utica, New York. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. She applied makeup constantly; she wouldn’t even leave the house without it. But the most eye opening thing about Kassandra, was her weight.
She walked out of the bathroom and looked at the pile of Barbie dolls she kept in her room to remind her of what she “needed.” The pressure to be perfect these days is enough to drive anyone crazy… But the pressure had hit Kassandra harder than it hits most.
Kassandra was always a little chunky when she was young. Girls would call her “fatty,” “cow,” “garbage disposal,” and every other name you could think of. She saw herself so huge at the age of 15. She weighed 175, and it seemed to her like everyone else weighed about 10 pounds. Her overthinking drove her crazy. She wanted to be like everyone else, skinny. She couldn’t take the insults, so she puked for the first time.
It felt so good for Kassandra to eat huge meals then rush to the bathroom to let it all go. She felt a rush of energy every time. At first she would only puke once every two days, but it became a habit. Everything she ate had to come out. Every grape, strawberry, piece of broccoli, everything. She thought it was healthy. She thought as long as she was skinny, it’s a great idea.
Kassandra hated her life more and more every day, but puking helped. But now, Kassandra plans to do something more drastic. She was going to hang herself.
Kassandra puked one last time. She turned on the fan so nobody would suspect anything. It was 10 p.m., and by then her mother and stepfather were sleeping. She picked up a Barbie for the last time and stared it over. Why could she be so perfect, so pretty, so skinny, so amazing? She opened her dresser and took out the rope.
The announcements came on at school... “Good morning students, today is March 5th, 2013. I have some devastating news. Our own Kassandra Wildson killed herself last night. If you would please stand silently for a minute in memory.”
The girls at school were shocked. The people who once made fun of her had sick feelings in their stomachs. They knew they were the cause of Kassandra’s death. They pushed her to the point where she felt death was the only escape, and now they could never apologize for it.